Window into my head and heart

What kind of bracht am I if I’m not unfiltered and honest?

So here’s a window into my head and heart the last few days. Full disclosure, it’s looked pretty messy, but God has been gracious and so loving towards me (and my team).

I am just gonna jump straight into it…our team is being split. Yeah. It’s still sinking in. This is our last week in Nicaragua, and it’s been a blast! We have loved ministry, the people, and growing as a squad and team. (for context, we are a squad of 20 and are then split into two teams of 10. we do ministry during the days and nightly debriefs with our teams. With the squad as a whole, we do meals, devos, and activity days. So we get to interact pretty heavily with those not on our team, making us a tight squad) It’s truly been a gift to be this close as a squad. Before coming on this trip, I was SO nervous about making friends. Gosh, it felt like I was in school all over again. But I got to training camp and ended up being tent mates with a girl who has become a dear dear friend. Shout out, Emma! She and I aren’t currently on the same team but she and others have been a gift from God. I love this team.

So back to the splitting up thing. We will be leaving for Guatemala on October 14 and the original plan was for our whole squad to serve for the remaining time together in Antigua, Guatemala. Now, we will be divided into two new teams 9 hours apart from one another. We received this news only a few days ago and it’s been tough news to process. I was angry and upset (and still am sometimes). We will find out about our new teams this weekend. This has been a hard thing for me to surrender to God. This split was not something we ever imagined could happen and we didn’t prepare for it. I know God has a plan. I am learning how to surrender my way for His. I want to be with the people I have grown closest to but understand God’s way and have a different plan in mind.

His way is greater and so much more lovely. And he goes before me. A song that’s comforted me is “I don’t wanna go” by Chris Renzema.

This was therapeutic to write out, but I realize that it may not have all the details and it was a little messy. Thank you for reading it anyway! Prayers would be greatly appreciated for my team as we part ways and dive into a new adventure on Monday!